I’ll be the FIRST to admit that I have played the comparison game my entire life with other women around me. It feels like this instinctual almost ingrained behavior that society comes to expect and ACCEPT. We see articles like PEOPLE magazines segment on “Who wore it best” and women on reality shows like Real Housewives constantly tearing each other down.
Its no wonder that girls as early as 8 years old are starting to become aware of their body weight and constantly comparing themselves to bodies of perfection that are portrayed on magazine covers. This comparison game has completely distorted our body image and made our capability of unconditional self-love feel unattainable.
With age, self acceptance becomes easier and more welcomed but there is no reason you cant LOVE your body RIGHT where you are in your journey.
This is the story of getting caught in the trap of the vicious comparison cycle and how tuning into my own intuitive power is leading me to unshakable SELF-LOVE.
GETTING CAUGHT IN THE TRAP
I was always a green bean growing up, with a naturally lanky and slim frame, I never paid much attention to my figure. It was when I moved middle schools in 7th grade that I experienced the harsh reality of bullying from my new “friends”.
The girls taunted me, spitting names like “barbie” and “anorexic,” spreading these rumors all over my new school. It was of course traumatizing but it was the first time that I thought to myself “why am I so skinny” and “this isnt fair.” I remember purposely over eating to try and gain weight which of course only back fired because this began my distorted relationship with food.
Now I realize they bullied me out of their own insecurities, portraying their fears onto me by pulling the attention off their own bodies and onto mine. Girls at this age have no filter, so in a lot of ways they were just speaking their FEARS out into existence while as we get older and realize its not socially acceptable we hold those thoughts in or even worse gossip quietly behind someones back.
I know that my story is not so unique and that a lot of women have beliefs stemming from their child hood that they still carry with them to this day. Self-limiting beliefs that they are NOT ENOUGH.
- SKINNY enough.
- SMART enough.
- OUTGOING enough.
- FUNNY enough.
- BEAUTIFUL enough.
- SUCCESSFUL enough.
We come to this conclusion by comparing ourselves to other women that seemingly “have it all.” But that’s just it, we see a GLIMPSE of their life and come to our own conclusions about how “PERFECT” their lives are.
As of just recently I carried these beliefs as burdens on my back that were constantly whispering in the back of my mind that I would NEVER be ENOUGH. It was like trying to reach for a goal that felt completely UNREACHABLE.
No matter how skinny I looked, no matter how perfect my high lights were, no matter how strictly I followed my “clean diet”, no matter the status of my career, there was ALWAYS another women that I could look to and say to myself “See Sam, your NO WHERE near her level of perfection.”
The pressure that we put on ourselves and constant comparison is the ONLY demise to our happiness and unconditional self-love.
My journey out of this vicious cycle began when I started looking inwards for strength and stopped focusing on my outer appearance. When I LET GO of old beliefs and started leading with my HIGHER SELF. When I decided to make MY happiness a priority and sought after BALANCE instead of PERFECTION.
1. Connect with your intuition: Start each morning from a place of LOVE. Take just 5-10min to meditate for a week on opening your heart and having a strong desire for compassion to wash over yourself. If you can’t LOVE yourself first, you wont have enough to spread to those around you. Go slow, be patient and see that little girl in yourself that just wants to be loved and accepted because bottom line that’s what it boils down to, we all crave to be LOVED.
2. Create reminders: Write notes of loving kindness all over your space. Post sticky notes on your bathroom mirror, in your car and at your desk as little reminders that you are LOVED.
3. Compliment generously: When we start complimenting other women instead of judging them we are training our mind+heart that we CHOOSE love. That we want to give and RECEIVE freely and fearlessly. Over time, you will default to a place of LOVING kindness instead of comparison and plus it FEELS SO GOOD to bless others in this way. Plus you could just be the person that turns their entire day around.
WHAT I’VE LEARNED
Nowadays, I dont pay much attention to the media. TV, magazines and ads filled with vein images of half-naked models just doesn’t feed my ego like it used to. I’ve learned that the times I do hear that comparison voice in the back of my head, its really just fear trying to control me and because I control my thoughts, I let it pass and instantly replace it with a thought of love.
Realizing these changes don’t happen overnight you have to be extremely patient with yourself and know that with a loving commitment to yourself you can and WILL find freedom in LETTING GO of old beliefs and simply LOVING. Loving yourself FIRST then choosing to love women around you.
If you can relate to my story or have any tips for ENDING the comparison game, I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment below or reach our to me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Barber, Jon. Media and Change, Media Coverage Analysis, 27 Feb. 2011. Accessed 6 Dec. 2017.