Why We Need Healthy Boundaries
Setting personal and emotional boundaries is essential to a healthy life. Without a way of letting other people know how much they can ask of you for emotional support or what you identify as comfortable or uncomfortable, balance is nearly impossible to experience.
Unfortunately, in reality, it’s tricky to even figure out what your boundaries, let alone how to set them with the people in your life. When you’re first learning how to explore lines of separation, looking at areas in your life where you feel exhausted is a good place to start. Additionally, try to embrace that it’s ok to say “no.” Defining your needs and putting yourself first is not selfish.
Two simple ways to establish a healthy boundary:
- First, gain a clear sense of self and know your limits. When we push ourselves beyond our limits, this is when we experience burnout. Often this means going within and feeling into your body + mind to understand the feelings coming in.
- Honor yourself after tuning into your own limits. Do so by kindly asserting yourself when needed. This shows others your clear boundaries. If you’ve been a “Yes” person/people pleaser your entire life, this will likely take time to practice.
You will begin to feel respected, self-aware, and confident as you begin to set healthy boundaries in your life. Remember that boundaries are not selfish. They are indeed one of the most extraordinary acts of self-love. The number one reason why you aren’t setting boundaries is out of fear.
Common fears that get in the way of establishing boundaries may include:
- Not being perceived as loving (your true nature is nurturing others, and saying no feels really difficult)
- External judgement (you don’t want to be thought of as a prude or worse for saying no)
- Abandonment (if you say no, you feel that you could be left alone or rejected)
- Avoiding seeming controlling (you don’t feel militant with your relationships)
- Fear of guilt/shame (you’ll feel guilty for saying no to a close loved one)
Fear is entirely normal, but when you begin to stand for your boundaries firmly, you’ll feel empowered with your new level of self-awareness and respect. When we insert a new boundary and stand behind it, this builds our confidence and integrity. Without boundaries, we feel burnt out, overwhelmed, and resentful. With healthy boundaries, we feel fulfilled, aligned, and have more love to give. Remember that a boundary is simply a way to show others how to treat you.
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